Conundrums.

[Old Cremona]

Those of you who do Civil War-era music presentations for the general public might like to salt your between-song patter with some original conundrums, so here are a few I've collected. If anyone else collect's these please share. I've got more but I prefer a quid pro quo kind of deal.

(from Unsworth's Burnt Cork Lyrics, 1858)

What is the difference between a flat surface and the leaden image of Satan?
One is dead level and the other a lead devil.

What is the difference between a physician and a magician?
One is a cup-per and the other a sorcer-er.

What is the difference between a hen and a ship.
A hen lays one egg, and a ship lays to.

Why is an unwelcome visitor like a shady tree?
Because we are glad when he leaves.

(from Christy's New Songster, 1863)

What tree represent's a person who persists in incurring debt?
A willow.

At what time by a clock is a pun most effective?
When it strikes one.

Why will the proprietors of the stump-tail cows be oblidged to sell them wholesale?
Because it's impossible to re-tail them.

Why is the sun like a loaf of bread?
Because they both rise in the y-east.

[27thNCdrummer]

Re: Conundrums.

Very nice Carl! I may just have to use those.

[sepoy1857]

Re: Conundrums.

Thanks Carl!

Love that period wit LOL!

[Michael Comer]

Re: Conundrums.

OK, those are pretty good but I don't get a couple of them. Perhaps they can be explained to me. How is a willow tree representative of someone that incurs debt? Willow - no matter how I pronounce it or think about it I don't get a connection.

Difference between sorcerer and physician. That one's lost on me too.

It is interesting to look at period newspapers etc and see what was passing for humor at the time. Some of it - well, I guess you just had to be there huh?

[27thNCdrummer]

Re: Conundrums.

Michael,
I didn't get those either. I also didn't get the one about the clock pun.

[Jefferson Guards]

Re: Conundrums.

OK, those are pretty good but I don't get a couple of them. Perhaps they can be explained to me.
How is a willow tree representative of someone that incurs debt? Willow - no matter how I pronounce it or think about it I don't get a connection.

"Will Owe"

Difference between sorcerer and physician. That one's lost on me too.

Cup-per (reference to the medical practice of cupping, ie "one who cups") and Sorcer-er (one who practices magic). It is play on "cup and saucer"

[YoungCampaigner]

Re: Conundrums.

Hello All. Here are a few more conundrums I found in a book circa 1829 (The Boy's Own Book, by William Clarke):

Why is a peach stone like a regiment?
Because it has a kernel (colonel).

Why do we all go to bed?
Because the bed will not come to us.

Why is a pack of cards like a garden?
There are spades in it.

What burns to keep a secret?
Sealing wax.

[tater_cuffie]

Re: Conundrums.

Very cool Carl if i had a band i'd use some of em lol are yall goona use them in your act? and where do you find those kind of things?

[Michael Comer]

Re: Conundrums.

I figured out the "will owe" part this afternoon while driving down the road and mulling things over.

The other one about the cupper and sorcerer, I got the references to but it still just seems like a really bad conundrum - the 1860's version of the ultimate groaner I guess.

[Spinster]

Re: Conundrums.

Very cool Carl if i had a band i'd use some of em lol are yall goona use them in your act? and where do you find those kind of things?

Conundrums were a popular humour form of the day--so much so that the common soldier would have had access whenever the mail ran--and so can you. Open up most any Harper's Weekly reprint, and within the first or second page of the issue is a column call "Humors of the Day" . Then, as now, the pun relied upon pronunciation and common cultural references to make a joke that often produced groans---a fact acknowledged with each of the items below.

Delivery is, of course, as important as the root of the joke--and I find that if I am reading a conumdrum and do not 'get it', reading it aloud with proper pauses will normally enlighten me.

From the March 2, 1861 issue:

What's the difference between a Man with a sore throat and a Manilla cheroot?------Why, the one is a Man ill and the other is a Man iller.
[Don't frown, reader, please. The cold weather has really frozen up our flow of wit and this is the first symptom of its having begun to thaw]

At the root of many conumdrums there is often a pun. From the same issue, but not quite in normal conumdrum form:

If you saw that dear boy Walter going to pull the trigger of his rifle, and you said so, what Shakespearian quotation would you use ?----"Wat's in an aim".
[Contributor discharged uncured]

Now, I can't say that I normally spend a Sunday evening perusing the Harper's--in this case, I was cutting up a reprint, in order to reline bandboxes and trunks for the spring before packing my clothing inside them.

[Amtmann]

Re: Conundrums.

I've never heard Conundrums before... those are funny.

[Spinster]

Re: Conundrums.

Mellodians!!

And when I really don't get a conundrum, I try to think of how it would sound in Rick Musselman's voice. Or most any other Mellodian. Except that one with the orange and purple hat :p

[Hank Trent]

Re: Conundrums.

Do You Give It Up? A Collection of the Most Amusing Conundrums, Riddles, Etc. Of The Day, 1861.

From the above book:

Why is a laundress the greatest traveller in the world?
Because she is constantly crossing the line, and going from pole to pole.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

[Old Cremona]

Re: Conundrums.

Do You Give It Up? A Collection of the Most Amusing Conundrums, Riddles, Etc. Of The Day, 1861.

From the above book:

Why is a laundress the greatest traveller in the world?
Because she is constantly crossing the line, and going from pole to pole.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

I am in your debt for that excellent link, Hank. S'pose there's any other period comedy books in thar?

[Danny]

Re: Conundrums.

If not funny, at least documented...

Why is a pretty foot and ankle like one of Shakespare's comedies? Because its "all well that ends well."

Miss Simpleton recently fainted upon being told that her betrothed had several engagements since the war began.

Mrs. Partington wants to know if it were not intended that women should drive their husbands, why are they put through the bridle ceremony?

Why are henpecked husbands like crinoline? Because they are continually under petticoat rule!

What sort of capital punishment do most men suffer daily? The want of funds.

What's the difference between a suit of clothes and a law suit? One provides us with pockets, the other empties them.

Why was Adam an actor? Because he was the leading man.

What did Adam and Eve do when they were expelled from Eden? They raised Cain.

"One rod makes an acher," as the boy said when the schoolmaster dusted his back.

What sort of drums are the most stirring? Kettle drums. What sort are the most indelicate? Bass drums. What sort are the most boorish? Humdrums. What sort are the most amusing? Con-un-drums.

-excerpts from The Camp Jester, or, Amusement for the Mess, 71 p., Augusta, Ga.
Published by Blackmar & Brother 1864

Dan Wykes

"Squad! attention!" Paddy stood erect, but looked indignant. "Squad! front!" He fronted, but being no longer able to smother his rage, exclaimed: "Look here, mister, my name's Pat Mahoney, and by the mother of Moses, I won't be called "Squad" by any man."