Period manners

[Hank Trent]

Re: Period manners

"I have more fun with the girls that come into camp than a little. I don't care a darn what I say to them"

If you want some how-to instructions for this sort of thing, I ran across the following yesterday while researching street names in New York City.

This is from Personals, or Perils of the Period, by Joseph Hertford, 1870. Yes, that's really the title--he was calling it "the period" while living in it.

The great amusement of corner-loafers is to leer at women... If a pretty girl happens to glance at them, they lift their eyebrows and open their eyes quite wide, with sometimes a laugh or a gentle wink. If a girl passes quite close to them, they will sometimes say:

"Hello, babie!" or "how are you, pretty!" or "day-day, sissy!"

If some unsophisticated girl should turn and smile, they would carry the insult further, and, pointing to Florence's saloon, say:

"Won't you go in and get something to eat?" Sometimes they will follow a girl and annoy her by going in front or behind her, and casting glances at her... Two of them will get very close behind a lady, or a couple of ladies, and talk very loud to each other something where they desire to be heard.

And how to deal with it...

Two or three weeks ago, just as the lamps were lighting, two young girls were walking along Fourteenth street from Fourth avenue over toward Fifth, and a gray-headed old man with a cane was noticed walking close behind them. By-and-by, he got a little ahead and looked around in their faces. Then they got ahead of him again, but he kept beside them, and began a significant series of "hems" and "haws" to attract their attention... one of the young ladies turned with a bright, spiteful face to him and said:

"Go away, you old wretch, with your 'hums' and your 'haws!' I should think you'd be thinking of the grave than annoying women!"

The old fellow turned off immediately up Union square.

The other day, a handsomely-dressed girl, with a rather independent, sprightly face, was observed by the passengers to be the recipient of attentions from a respectably-attired man opposite her. He gazed at her in a manner intended to be pleasing, and then suspicious movements of his knees became apparent. Suddenly, the lady sprang up, with a face white with anger, and addressed the gentleman sitting next to her:

"Will you be kind enough to change seats with me? That man doesn't seem to have room enough for his feet, and keeps treading on my toes."

The attention of all the persons in the stage was directed to him. Some laughed, and a stern old lady cried out: "Shame! shame!"

The man said nothing, and for a minute seemed to have the intention of braving public opinion, but he kept growing redder and redder in the face, and before the stage had gone half a block he pulled the strap and got out.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

[redleggeddevil]

Re: Period manners

What is interesting to me is how long this concern for propriety continued in America, at least in certain circles. My great-aunt went to Vassar College in 1915, and one of the iron-clad rules was that "no young lady was to leave campus without the express prior permission of her father or older brother."

Great-aunt found out just how serious this rule was, when she went home with her roommate for the weekend. Upon her return, she found a note pinned to her dorm room door--"Please see the Dean at once."

She did, and was told that she was to leave the school at once. She explained that her roommate's father would vouch for her, and that her own father would give his (belated) consent.

The dean was unmoved.

"But my roommate's father is President of the United States!", Great-aunt Clare cried out (her roommate being Miss Wilson, daughter of Woodrow).

"Yes," replied the Dean, "but he is not YOUR father."

She was sent home the next day, never to return.

Now THAT'S hardcore!

[KarinTimour]

Re: Period manners

Dear Hank:

Thank you for several very period examples of this type of thing -- one wonders what 'day-day, sissy" was meant to mean?

It's also a trip to read about the woman who was harrassed on the stage -- that type of thing still happens on the subway from time to time....

Dear Andrew:

What a terrific story about your Great-aunt -- did she have to quit college entirely, or did she transfer somewhere else? Hardcore indeed! Those Deans of Women were serious -- if they let one student get away with bending the rules, the best famlies might not trust that their daughters' virtue was safe at college. Women's curfew (having to be in the dorm by 10 PM), no men above the first floor (or outside the lounge) and having to provide parental permission to leave campus were rules that lasted in many institutions well past WWII.

Such a terrific window into their reality,

Karin Timour
Period Knitting -- Socks, Sleeping Hats, Balaclavas
Atlantic Guard Soldiers' Aid Society
Email: Ktimour@aol.com

[Hank Trent]

Re: Period manners

Thank you for several very period examples of this type of thing -- one wonders what 'day-day, sissy" was meant to mean?

I wondered that. Best guess I could come up with was that it was meant to be baby talk, the way an older brother would talk to a younger sister, "day-day" meaning "good day."

Logically speaking, that doesn't sound like a sexually oriented come-on, but then neither does calling a grown woman "baby," which is still good enough to be used today.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

[KarinTimour]

Re: Period manners

Dear Hank:

Yes, I think you're probably right about "day-day" being along the lines of baby talk.

In terms of "what's a come-on" in our time period, I'm more and more coming to think that it had much less to do with what was actually said, and more to do with the context. ANY conversation with a strange man on the street is likely to be charged.

BTW, you had one quote that was placed on Fourteenth Street, on the lower edge of Union Square in New York. Manhattan was growing and getting larger, and as that happened, the "fashionable" district was growing as well. At the beginning of the War, lower Manhattan (the blocks from Chambers St. to the Battery) were just starting to get passe, and the newly fashionable district was the streets around Union Square, (around 14th street) and extended to Madison Square, (at 23rd St). As the War began, Tiffany's opened on Union Square, the Union League Club was founded in a building facing Union Square. Just to the east of Madison Square, and three blocks south is Grammercy Park, where many of the New Yorkers we are familiar with lived -- John Jacob Astor, George Templeton Strong, etc. However, these areas were very "patchwork" and as GT Strong's diary discusses, had working class and poorer housing right around them as well.

McClellan's presidential campaign headquarters was in a hotel facing Madison Square and General Worth was buried just north of that, where Broadway crosses Fifth Avenue.

The Union Park and Madison Square Park are both open parks -- Grammercy Square has a fence around it and only the residents of the Square have keys to it. If you wanted a bit of green and some open space, your only options in those parts of the city would be these two parks. The rivers were lined with working docks, and water men's pubs and dives. I suspect that some of the women walking together around the parks might be more working class and the loungers and some of the guys who are speaking to them are hopeful of "getting lucky" with some of them.

Just a bunch of speculation on my part,
Karin Timour
Period Knitting -- Socks, Sleeping Hats, Balaclavas
Atlantic Guard Soldiers' Aid Society
Email: Ktimour@aol.com

[redleggeddevil]

Re: Period manners

Dear Andrew:

What a terrific story about your Great-aunt -- did she have to quit college entirely, or did she transfer somewhere else? Hardcore indeed! Those Deans of Women were serious -- if they let one student get away with bending the rules, the best famlies might not trust that their daughters' virtue was safe at college.

Dear Karen,

No, Great-aunt Clare never returned to college. Her father was a very, very old-school Victorian clergyman (Dean of the General Theological Seminary, among other things), and so the entire affair was hushed up for many decades. In fact, she waited 61 years before telling the story, only relating it at a family reunion in 1976. Even her brother, my grandfather, had never known the secret of her brief college career.

By the time she told us, of course, enough time had passed that the whole thing seemed quaint and charming. Still, neither she nor any of her peers seemed to think that the Dean was too far out of line. In fact, she was absolutely scandalized when, a few years later, one of her children sent an excerpt of her reminiscences to Yankee Magazine. It was one thing to share these things with family, but to THINK of selling private memories for money...

She was a magnificent lady.

[KarinTimour]

Re: Period manners

Dear Andrew:

She must have been both terrific at keeping a secret (for 61 years no less) and telling a story. Both period skills. Thank you for sharing this thumbnail from her life with us.

Those we remember in our hearts live forever.

Sincerely,
Karin Timour
Period Knitting -- Socks, Sleeping Hats, Balaclavas
Atlantic Guard Soldiers' Aid Society
Email: Ktimour@aol.com

[Spinster]

Re: Period manners

The Union Park and Madison Square Park are both open parks -- Grammercy Square has a fence around it and only the residents of the Square have keys to it.

If you know more of how this 'closed' park came to be restricted in this manner, and how it has continued to be so, I'd love to hear it.

A delightful gentleman who has graced my life in recent years grew up in the Grammercy Park Hotel. Lovely 19th century paintings of that Park and its immediate environs hang in his library, when they are not on loan to various museums.

[Old Overholt]

Re: Period manners

Years ago I picked up a copy of The Perfect Gentleman; or Etiquette and Eloquence, published by Dick & Fitzgerald, No. 18 Ann Street, New York, New York in 1860. It's a great little book, full of rules of politeness and hundreds of suggested toasts for every audience and occasion. The author of this volume wrote anonymously, claiming in the preface “that modesty alone causes him to withhold his name from the title-page.” Departing from allegiance to either of the competing British and Continental (mostly French) rules of etiquette, which differed on many points, the author recognizes that a new, “American Code of Politeness” had developed “in better harmony with the practical and enlightened common sense of democratic institutions than much that has been dictated by the pompous impudence of aristocratic exclusiveness.” Some of the authors opinions on the subjects raised in previous posts follow:

"In England, it is a mark of low breeding to smoke in the public streets. But in America the rule does not hold to quite that extent; though, even here, it is not often that you catch “a gentleman of the strictest sect” in the street with a segar or pipe in his mouth.

It is not deemed polite and respectful to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they are amiable enough to permit it. A gentleman, therefore, is not in the habit of smoking in the parlor, for if there is nobody present to object, it leaves a smell in the room which the wife has good reason to be mortified at, if discovered by her guests. For a man to go into the street with a lady on his arm and a segar in his mouth is a shocking sight, which no gentleman will ever be guilty of exhibiting; for he inevitably subjects the woman to the very worst of suspicions.

A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies for a single moment. Indeed, so strong is the force of habit, that a gentleman will quite unconsciously remove his hat on entering a parlor, or drawing-room, even if there is no one present but himself. People who sit in the house with their hats on are to be suspected of having spent the most of their time in bar-rooms, and similar places. A gentleman never sits with his hat on in the theatre. Gentlemen do not generally sit even in an eating-room with their hats on, if there is any convenient place to put them.

The books on etiquette will tell you, that on waiting on a lady into a carriage, or the box of a theatre, you are to take off your hat; but such is not the custom among polite people in this country. The inconvenience of such a rule is a good reason against its observance in a country where the practice of politeness has in it nothing of the servility which is often attached to it in countries where the code of etiquette is dictated by the courts of monarchy. In handing a lady into a carriage, a gentleman may need to employ both his hands, and he has no third hand to on to his hat.

The books of etiquette also tell you, that if you have been introduced to a lady and you afterwards meet her in the street, you must not bow to her unless she bows first, in order, as the books say, that she may have an opportunity to cut you if she does not wish to continue the acquaintance. This is the English fashion. But on the continent of Europe the rule is reversed, and no lady, however intimate you may be with her, will acknowledge you in the street unless you first honor her with a bow of recognition. But the American fashion is not like either of them. For here the really well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows to every lady he knows, and, if she is a well-bred woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a mere formal, but always respectful, recognition of the good manners which have been shown her, and no gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But why should a lady and gentleman, who know who each other are, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in the streets as though they were enemies? There is no good reason for such impoliteness, in the practice of politeness. As compared with the English, the French or Continental fashion is certainly more consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the American rule is better than either, for it is based upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is every gentleman’s and lady’s duty to be polite in all places. Unless parties have done something to forfeit the respect dictated by the common rules of politeness, there should be no deviation from this practice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice ill-manners in the name of etiquette.

The custom of raising your hat, or of bowing respectfully to a lady or gentleman in the streets, with your hat on, is practiced equally, as occasion and convenience dictate, by well-bred Americans. By a bow is not meant one of those indifferent, short nods of the head, generally given by clowns and lackeys, but a genuine, polite, and gentlemanly bow, which says as much as “your servant, madam.”

You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the glove should be on – especially if it is a lady with whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove.

The English have a rule of etiquette, that if you are introduced to a person of higher position in society than yourself, you must never recognize him when you meet until you see whether he intends to notice you. The meaning of this rule is, that you should be polite to nobody until you see whether they mean to be polite to you, which is simply refusing politeness in the name of politeness itself. There is a story of an unfortunate clerk of the Treasury, who dined one day at the Beef-steak club, where he sat next to a Duke, who conversed freely with him at dinner. The next day meeting the Duke in the street he saluted him. But his grace, drawing himself up, said, “May I know, sir, to whom I have the honor of speaking?” “Why, we dined together at the club yesterday – I am Mr. Timms, of the Treasury,” was the reply. “Then,” said the Duke, turning on his heel, “Mr. Timms, of the Treasury, I wish you a good-morning. Though this anecdote is related in the English books as an example of etiquette, it is undoubtedly true that Mr. Timms, of the Treasury, was the politest man of the two, for even if he had made a mistake in being a little familiar in his politeness, had the Duke been really a polite man he would have made the best of it, by returning the salutation, instead of the brutal mortification which he heaped upon the clerk of the Treasury. Every body had read the anecdote of Washington, who politely returned the salutation of a negro, which caused his friend to ask if he “bowed to a negro.” “To be sure I did; do you think that I would allow a negro to outdo me in politeness?” said Washington. This is the American rule. Everybody in this country may be polite to everybody – and if any one is too haughty and too ill-bred to return the salutation, with him alone rests the responsibility and the shame.

You, of course, will never offer a person the chair in which you are sitting, unless there is no other in the room; and you will be careful not to sit down in a chair which you know to be the one in which the lady or gentleman of the house usually sits, even though they are absent. Many persons would just as soon see a stranger using their tooth-brush, as sitting in the chair which they always occupy themselves."

[KarinTimour]

Re: Period manners

Dear Terre:

Grammercy Park was built as an enclosed park and has stayed that way (except for the 1863 Draft Riots, see below):

According to the Blue Guide to New York:

"Grammercy Park is New York's only private residential square. It was created by Samuel Bulkley Ruggles, a lawyer and small-scale urban planner who bought a 20-acre farm in 1831 from the descendants of James Duane (mayor 1784-89), drained the marshland, and laid out a park because such an amenity would increase the value of his land. Around the park he designated 66 building lots and sold them with the stipulation that only lot owners could have access to the park. His wishes are still in force; except for a brief period during the Draft Riots of 1863 when troops camped inside the 8-ft iron fence, the park trustees have prevented all intrusions, including a proposed cable car line (1890) down Lexington Avenue and an extension of the avenue (1912) through the park. Only residents faciung the square who pay a yearly maintenance fee are granted keys."


Grammercy Park is at the very foot of Lexington Avenue. If the park weren't there, Lexington Avenue would run through the middle of the park. Since it is there, the street that runs north of it is Lexington Avenue, and the one that runs south of it is Irving Place (only two blocks long). It's named after author Washington Irving, who didn't live in Grammercy Park, but did live in a house a few blocks south of it.

If your friend hasn't read the section from George Templeton Strong's diaries about the Grammercy Park hotel and the Draft Riots, I'll go dig it up. But I do feel that I should warn you if he's got any Irish blood or if he's strong in his Southern heritage, GTS is likely to get his blood pressure in an uproar. I always advise Southerners if they are going to read Strong, it's wise to have a volume or two of some Fire Eaters close at hand, for balance. GTS does not mince words.

Hope that's helpful,
Karin Timour
Period Knitting -- Socks, Sleeping Hats, Balaclavas
Atlantic Guard Soldiers' Aid Society
Email: Ktimour@aol.com

[KarinTimour]

Re: Period manners

Mr. Racine:

What a delightful passage -- and there is some serious meat in there, both for those who want to be period polite and those who would portray a less polished character. You can even work on your manners for English or Continental impressions!

Returning to the main issue of do you raise your hat and speak to every woman you see in period dress, the issue seems to hinge on whether this is someone to whom you have been introducted. The complicating factor at most history heavy events is whether our two characters have been introduced previously. If I'm a civilian of the region, especially if I'm an enemy civilian, the chances that we've been "introduced" in the definition meant here are practically nil.


"... if you have been introduced to a lady and you afterwards meet her in the street...."
[ENGLISH FASHION]
, you must not bow to her unless she bows first, in order, as the books say, that she may have an opportunity to cut you if she does not wish to continue the acquaintance. This is the English fashion.

[CONTINENTAL FASHION]
But on the continent of Europe the rule is reversed, and no lady, however intimate you may be with her, will acknowledge you in the street unless you first honor her with a bow of recognition.

[AMERICAN FASHION]
But the American fashion is not like either of them. For here the really well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows to every lady he knows, and, if she is a well-bred woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a mere formal, but always respectful, recognition of the good manners which have been shown her, and no gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But why should a lady and gentleman, who know who each other are, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in the streets as though they were enemies? There is no good reason for such impoliteness, in the practice of politeness. As compared with the English, the French or Continental fashion is certainly more consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the American rule is better than either, for it is based upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is every gentleman’s and lady’s duty to be polite in all places. Unless parties have done something to forfeit the respect dictated by the common rules of politeness, there should be no deviation from this practice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice ill-manners in the name of etiquette.


Terrific discussion of bowing, raising your hat or simply nodding:

The custom of raising your hat, or of bowing respectfully to a lady or gentleman in the streets, with your hat on, is practiced equally, as occasion and convenience dictate, by well-bred Americans. By a bow is not meant one of those indifferent, short nods of the head, generally given by clowns and lackeys, but a genuine, polite, and gentlemanly bow, which says as much as “your servant, madam.”


Who wouldn't like this story:
Every body had read the anecdote of Washington, who politely returned the salutation of a negro, which caused his friend to ask if he “bowed to a negro.” “To be sure I did; do you think that I would allow a negro to outdo me in politeness?” said Washington. This is the American rule. Everybody in this country may be polite to everybody – and if any one is too haughty and too ill-bred to return the salutation, with him alone rests the responsibility and the shame.


Thank you for taking the time to give us so much of the text, I definitely want to read a bit more of this type of thing. BTW, you might be interested to know that Ann Street is right downtown in Manhattan and in our time period was just to one side of Barnum's American Museum, which was on Broadway across from St. Paul's Chapel, and kitty-korner from The Astor House hotel (where Lincoln stayed when he was on his way to the inaugural). Ann Street is on the southern tip of what was the publishing center of our time period, and in the period just preceeding ours was a center for butchers. Butchers, because they had access to large amounts of sheep intestine, were the source for condoms. Perhaps coincidentally, Ann Street, being on the fringes of the publishing world, and perhaps because of the earlier association with the butchers, was also the location where much period pornography was printed and sold.

Thank you again for a wonderful read,
Karin Timour
Period Knitting - Socks, Sleeping Hats, Balaclavas
Atlantic Guard Soldiers' Aid Society
Email: Ktimour@aol.com

[Spinster]

Re: Period manners

If your friend hasn't read the section from George Templeton Strong's diaries about the Grammercy Park hotel and the Draft Riots, I'll go dig it up. But I do feel that I should warn you if he's got any Irish blood or if he's strong in his Southern heritage, GTS is likely to get his blood pressure in an uproar.

That gives me enough lead to go dig for myself as regards GTS.

As for my fine friend---he suffers from neither Irish nor Southern blood boiling. How a fine Conservative Jewish New Yorker came to the South after his service in the Second Great War, did very well, and eventually came to sit on the front row each and every time my Dear Husband teaches the Methodist Sunday School is one of those tales that qualifies as a Stemwinder. He continues to maintain an apartment on Grammercy Park.

[Drygoods]

Re: Period manners

Hello everyone,

This is a really wonderful thread. I wonder, how many soldiers I see a day at events, who seldom remove or tip their hat with introduction? It's plenty.

I remember at one event, I had a middle aged man still wearing his hat in our dining room eating with everyone else, and I suggested that he remove his hat. He told me that he didn't have to since he was an officer. Officer or no, he was eating in MY house, off of MY china, and MY food, I still think he should have shown me the courtesy. I don't suppose it had anything to do with his vanity, or loss of locks:confused_
My point is this, when dining with a group, don't turn your kepi round backward, just remove the hat altogether.

[Edwin Carl Erwin]

etiquette

Sources from " The Gentleman's Page" www.lahacal.org/mannerbib.html

A Select Bibliography of Victorian Etiquette Sources

Primary Sources

Beeton, Isabella Mary Mayson, 1836-1865. Book of household management. Mrs. Beeton's cookery and household management. [New ed.] London, Ward Lock [c1960] 1344 p. illus. (part col.) 24 cm.

Dodworth, Allen. Dancing and its relations to education and social life : with a new method of instruction...,, by Allen Dodworth. New and enlarged ed. New York, Harper & Brothers [1888] vi, 302 p. front. (port.) illus. 20 cm.

Eighteen Distinguished Authors [sic], Correct Social Usage: a course of instruction in good form, style and deportment.New York. The New York Society of Self-Culture, 1903

Gaskell, George A., 1844-?. Gaskell's Compendium of forms : educational, social, legal, and commercial, embracing a complete self-teaching course in penmanship and bookkeeping, and aid to English composition ... also, a manual of agriculture and mechanics, with a complete guide to parliamentary practice¾ /, by G. A. Gaskell. Chicago : Fairbanks, Palmer, 1880. 493 p. : ill., forms, plates, ports. ; 28 cm.

Gaskell, George A., 1844-? Writing as Samuel Smiles, Happy homes and the hearts that make them or thrifty people and why they thrive, US Publishing House, Chicago, 1882 644 p. :ill, plates.

Hill, Thomas E. 1832-1915. Manual of social and business forms. Selections. Never give a lady a restive horse; a 19th century handbook of etiquette. Berkeley [Calif.] Diablo Press, 1967. 143 p. illus., port. 28 cm.

Houghton, Walter R. et al. Rules of etiquette and home culture or what to do and how to do it. Chicago, 1886. Rand, McNally & Co.

King, Charles, 1844-1933. The colonel's daughter; or, winning his spurs. Philadelphia, J. B. Lippincott & co., 1883. 2 p. l., 440 p. 19 cm.

Martine, Arthur, Martine's handbook of etiquette and guide to true politeness; a complete manual for those who desire to understand the rules of good breeding,the customs of good society, and to avoid incorrect and vulgar habits. New York, Dick & Fitzgerald, 1866--As republished in Civil War Era Etiquette, R.L. Shep editor and publisher, 1988.

Ransom, J. Clinton. Successful life: designed to teach the young how to attain the highest success and to lead both old and young to a more useful, happy and prosperous life /, Philadelphia, PA : L. P. Miller & Co, 1891, 606 p

Rowland, Helen, Reflections of a bachelor girl/, New York, dodge Publishing Company, 1909

Trollope, Anthony, 1815-1882. North America. Philadelphia, J.B. Lippincott, 1862.

Trollope, Fanny & Pamela Neville-Sington Domestic Manners of the Americans Originally published 1842. Paperback - 416 pages (29 May, 1997) Penguin Books

White, Annie R.. Polite society at home and abroad: a complete compendium of information on all topics classified under the head of etiquette /, Chicago IL: L.P. Miller & Co 1891. 448 p

Young, John H.. Our deportment : or, The manners, conduct and dress of the most refined society /, compiled by John H. Young. Harrisburg, PA : Pennsylvania Publishing Co, 1880, c1879. 415 p

Secondary Sources

Aldrich, Elizabeth, 1947-. From the ballroom to hell : grace and folly in nineteenth-century dance /, Evanston, Ill. : Northwestern University Press, 1991. xix, 225 p. : ill. ; 29 cm.

Bushman, Richard L.. The refinement of America : persons, houses, cities. 1st ed. New York : Knopf : Distributed by Random House, 1992

Green, Harvey, 1946-. The light of the home : an intimate view of the lives of women in Victorian America /, Harvey Green, with the assistance of Mary-Ellen Perry ; with illustrations from the Margaret Woodbury Strong Museum. 1st ed. New York : Pantheon Books, c1983. xv, 205 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.

Haller, John S. Jr & Robin Haller. The Physician and Sexuality in Victorian America. /.Urbana Ill, University of Illinois Press. 1974.

Hansen, Karen V.. A very social time : crafting community in antebellum New England /, Berkeley : University of California Press, c1994. xv, 262p., [24] p. of plates : ill., map. ; 24 cm.

Harris, J. William, 1946-. Plain folk and gentry in a slave society : white liberty and Black slavery in Augusta's hinterlands /, 1st ed. Middletown, Conn. : Wesleyan University Press ; Scranton, Pa. : Distributed by Harper & Row, 1985. xv, 274 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.

Kasson, John F. Rudeness & Civility : Manners in Nineteenth-Century Urban America / Paperback / Published 1991

Knight, Oliver. Life and manners in the frontier army /, 1st ed. Norman : University of Oklahoma Press, c1978. vii, 280 p. ; 21 cm.

Kortum, Sarah. The hatless man : an anthology of odd & forgotten manners /; drawings by Ronald Searle. New York : Viking, 1995. xiv, 191 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.

Pease, Jane H.. Ladies, women, and wenches : choice and constraint in antebellum Charleston and Boston /, Chapel Hill : University of North Carolina Press, c1990. xiii, 218 p. : ill. ; 23 cm. Series title: Gender & American culture

St. George, Andrew.. The descent of manners: etiquette, rules & the Victorians /, London : Random House, c1993. 330 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.

Sutherland, Daniel E.. The expansion of everyday life, 1860-1876 /,1t ed. New York : Harper & Row, c1989. xiii, 290 p., [24] p. of plates : ill. ; 22 cm. Series title: The Everyday life in America series

Internet Resources

(Note: the Internet is a moving target. These links were good as of February, 2004, but may dissappear any time thereafter).

Nelson, Walter T. The Gentleman's Page: a practical guide for the 19th Century American man. http://www.lahacal.org/gentleman Lively Arts History Association. 2000

White, Anna R. Youthþs educator for home and society: Being a Manual of Correct Deportment for Boys and Girls as well as for Older Ones Who Have Been Denied the Privileges and Benefits Arising from Social Intercourse, with Choice Chapters upon Kindred Topics. Union Publishing House, Chicago.1896 http://www.history.rochester.edu/ehp-book/yefhas/ (University of Rochester History Department Home Page)

An American Ballroom Companion: 1490-1920. A compendium of over one hundred dancing manuals, in full text, with illustrations, from the 15th to the 19th Century. Library of Congress. http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/dihtml/dihome.html

Emily Post's 1922 edition of: Etiquette in Society, Business, Politics and at Home. http://www.bartleby.com/95/

For comic relief see Samuel Clemmons' burlesque of etiquette books:

https://www.lahacal.org/gentleman/twain.html

[Old Overholt]

Re: Period manners

More from a recent transcription session of The Perfect Gentleman; or Etiquette and Eloquence, published by Dick & Fitzgerald, No. 18 Ann Street, New York, New York in 1860:

"It is bad manners to satirize lawyers in the presence of lawyers, or doctors in the presence of one of that calling, and so of all the professions. Nor should you rail against bribery and corruption in the presence of politicians (especially of a New York politician,) or members of Congress, as they will have good reason to suppose that you are driving at them. It is the aim of politeness to leave the arena of social intercourse untainted with any severity of language, or bitterness of feeling. There are places and occasions where wrong must be exposed and reproved, but it is an unpardonable piece of rudeness to attempt such things at your own or another’s social party, where every thing is carefully to be avoided that can in the least disturb the happiness of any one. For this reason, all kinds of controversies are, as a general rule, to be avoided at such times.

If you would render yourself pleasing in social parties, never speak to gratify any particular vanity or passion of your own, but always aim to interest or amuse others by themes which you know are in accordance with their tastes and understandings. Even a well-bred minister will avoid introducing his professional habits and themes at such places. He knows that the guests were not invited there to listen to a sermon, and there may be some who differ with him in opinions, who would have good reason to feel themselves insulted by being thus forced to listen to him.

Avoid restlessness in company, lest you make the whole party fidgety as yourself. 'Do not beat the "Devil’s tattoo" by drumming with your fingers on the table; it cannot fail to annoy every one within hearing, and is the index of a vacant mind. Neither read the newspaper in an audible whisper, as it disturbs the attention of those near you. Both these bad habits are particularly offensive where most common, that is, in a counting or news-room. Remember, that a carelessness as to what may incommode others is the sure sign of a coarse and ordinary mind; indeed, the essential part of good breeding is more in the avoidance of whatever may be disagreeable to others, than even an accurate observance of the customs of good society.'

It is a great thing to be able to walk like a gentleman – that is, to get rid of the awkward, lounging, swinging gait of a clown, and stop before you reach the affected and flippant step of a dandy. In short, nothing but being a gentleman can ever give you the real air and step of one. A man who has a shallow or an impudent brain will be quite sure to show it in his heels, in spite of all that rules of manners can do for him.

Never address a person by his or her initial letter, as 'Mr. C.,' or 'Mr. S.' It is as vulgar as a fishmonger’s style. What can be more abominable than to hear a woman speak of her husband as 'Mr. P.!' as though he had become whittled down, in her estimation, until there is nothing left of him but a single letter.

Be careful not to be over-nice and particular, or you will impress people with the idea that your life began in vulgarity, and you are now trying so hard to get away from it, that you rush to the opposite extreme. Not long since, we heard a lady call Spiten-devil creek “Spiten du vel creek;” and, some time ago, we saw one horrified beyond description, because some one used the word “breeches” in her hearing. But there was a legend among the old settlers in the neighborhood that she was not always so particular in other days when she was a milliner. These clumsy and affected attempts at refinement are generally taken as signs that those who practise them began life very near the bottom of the hill.

There is a vulgar custom among some women of this country, of using their husbands’ titles as marks of distinction for themselves, which they sometimes have even printed on their cards, as 'Mrs. Capt. Smith,' 'Mrs. Col. Brown,' 'Mrs. Governor Bibbs,' 'Mrs. Alderman Tibbs.' Not long since, we saw a large trunk, with one whole end occupied with the following label: 'MRS. LIEUTENANT SPRAGUE, U.S.A., San Francisco.' A man who was looking at this queer sight, asked a bystander the meaning of those letters, and received this wicked and impolite answer: 'Why, those letters generally mean United States Army, but there I suppose they must mean Ugly, Silly Ass.' The above parvenu custom was borrowed from the North of England, but has never been practised by really well-bred people in this country."