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Re: Period manners
The latest transcription from The Perfect Gentleman; or Etiquette and Eloquence, published by Dick & Fitzgerald, No. 18 Ann Street, New York, New York in 1860:
"An excessive suavity of manners is not only displeasing – it is disgusting – for it is generally a sign of insincerity and deception.
There is nothing more offensive to a gentleman than the puppyism of many young gallants, who are perpetually boasting of the attentions which are bestowed upon them by the fair sex. A well-bred man not only never boasts of such attentions, but he never even admits that he has received them. In this particular the young Japanese lad, Tommy, showed his good breeding, when a lady, in a private box at Niblo’s theatre, said to him, “Tommy, they say the ladies are all very fond of you;” to which he replied, “No, ma’am, I speak American language. Ladies like to speak to me – so do gentlemen; they understand me, I understand them. They say, ‘How do, Tommy?’ – shake hands, and I say, ‘Very well, sir, ma’am’ – shake hands, too. No more.” It will be seen that Tommy sought for a proper reason why the ladies were fond of speaking to him.
No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, nor on the corners of the streets, gazing impertinently at the ladies as they pass. That is such an unmistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly imagine a well-bred man doing such a thing.
In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but where circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may properly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a crowded street, like Broadway, by all means give her the outside, as that will prevent her from being perpetually jostled and run against by the hurrying crowd.
A well-bred man will not take a seat by the side of a lady with whom he is unacquainted, in a railroad car, unless there is no other seat for him; and if he is compelled to take such a seat, he politely apologises to the lady for doing so, in some such manner as saying that he is very sorry to disturb her, but there is no other vacant seat in the car.
Do not pretend to be what you are not, for no pretension can long hide what you in reality are. The thin veil is soon seen through, and by trying to deceive, in relation to your deserts, you will be judged an imposter in all things, and, as such, kicked out of society.
Do not assume too much for yourself and your family. For the man who gives himself airs of importance only exhibits the credentials of his own insignificance. It is known that the man of real position does not talk about it.
Affectation in anything that belongs to you is only holding a candle to your own defects. Besides, by affectation you insult every company you are in, for you assume that they are shallow enough to be deceived by your flippancy.
Exhibiting yourself as better and more pious than other men is another way of insulting your associates. The devout man never affects any remarkable degree of piety – it is the hypocrite who puts on godly airs.
It is a mark of ill-breeding to refuse praise where praise is evidently due; and, on the other hand, nothing can be more vulgar than indiscriminate and insincere praise. It is the next thing to abuse.
A proud and disdainful deportment is insulting to every company you may be in, and to every man you meet. Every one owes affability and good-nature to society."
The latest transcription from The Perfect Gentleman; or Etiquette and Eloquence, published by Dick & Fitzgerald, No. 18 Ann Street, New York, New York in 1860:
"An excessive suavity of manners is not only displeasing – it is disgusting – for it is generally a sign of insincerity and deception.
There is nothing more offensive to a gentleman than the puppyism of many young gallants, who are perpetually boasting of the attentions which are bestowed upon them by the fair sex. A well-bred man not only never boasts of such attentions, but he never even admits that he has received them. In this particular the young Japanese lad, Tommy, showed his good breeding, when a lady, in a private box at Niblo’s theatre, said to him, “Tommy, they say the ladies are all very fond of you;” to which he replied, “No, ma’am, I speak American language. Ladies like to speak to me – so do gentlemen; they understand me, I understand them. They say, ‘How do, Tommy?’ – shake hands, and I say, ‘Very well, sir, ma’am’ – shake hands, too. No more.” It will be seen that Tommy sought for a proper reason why the ladies were fond of speaking to him.
No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, nor on the corners of the streets, gazing impertinently at the ladies as they pass. That is such an unmistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly imagine a well-bred man doing such a thing.
In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but where circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may properly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a crowded street, like Broadway, by all means give her the outside, as that will prevent her from being perpetually jostled and run against by the hurrying crowd.
A well-bred man will not take a seat by the side of a lady with whom he is unacquainted, in a railroad car, unless there is no other seat for him; and if he is compelled to take such a seat, he politely apologises to the lady for doing so, in some such manner as saying that he is very sorry to disturb her, but there is no other vacant seat in the car.
Do not pretend to be what you are not, for no pretension can long hide what you in reality are. The thin veil is soon seen through, and by trying to deceive, in relation to your deserts, you will be judged an imposter in all things, and, as such, kicked out of society.
Do not assume too much for yourself and your family. For the man who gives himself airs of importance only exhibits the credentials of his own insignificance. It is known that the man of real position does not talk about it.
Affectation in anything that belongs to you is only holding a candle to your own defects. Besides, by affectation you insult every company you are in, for you assume that they are shallow enough to be deceived by your flippancy.
Exhibiting yourself as better and more pious than other men is another way of insulting your associates. The devout man never affects any remarkable degree of piety – it is the hypocrite who puts on godly airs.
It is a mark of ill-breeding to refuse praise where praise is evidently due; and, on the other hand, nothing can be more vulgar than indiscriminate and insincere praise. It is the next thing to abuse.
A proud and disdainful deportment is insulting to every company you may be in, and to every man you meet. Every one owes affability and good-nature to society."
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