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I absolutely love civil war humor and some things are just too good not to share.
Harper’s Weekly - April 19, 1862
“A SHORT time ago we were distressed to read that Saturn had lost his rings! Whether that steady-going old star had dropped them at one of his periodical Saturnalias, or whether he was obliged to part with them under a temporary financial pressure, our telescopic mind is at a loss to say: but we are sure our readers will rejoice with us at learning that Saturn has got his rings back again. They shine as brilliantly as ever (in fact, many of the diamonds are to the full as big as stars, and sparkle not less lustrously), and from their increased brilliancy we draw the bright reflection that Saturn may probably have only sent his rings to be cleaned; or it may be, since Saturn is the wearer of the belt, and consequently is the Champion of the Celestial Ring, that his love of fair play made him take his rings off, insomuch as he had been challenged to have a round or two with some refractory star, who was out sky-larking. We wish Professor Airey would throw a light on this misty subject, for we are forced to confess that at present it is terribly clouded in obscurity.”
From the same paper…
“The following recipes are said never to fail:
To Destroy Rats.—Catch them, one by one, and flatten their heads in a lemon-squeezer.
To Kill Cockroaches.—Get a pair of heavy boots, then catch your roaches, put them in a barrel, and get in yourself and dance.
To Catch Mice.—On going to bed put crumbs of cheese in your mouth, and lie with it open, and when a mouse's whiskers tickle your mouth, bite.”
Harper’s Weekly - April 19, 1862
“A SHORT time ago we were distressed to read that Saturn had lost his rings! Whether that steady-going old star had dropped them at one of his periodical Saturnalias, or whether he was obliged to part with them under a temporary financial pressure, our telescopic mind is at a loss to say: but we are sure our readers will rejoice with us at learning that Saturn has got his rings back again. They shine as brilliantly as ever (in fact, many of the diamonds are to the full as big as stars, and sparkle not less lustrously), and from their increased brilliancy we draw the bright reflection that Saturn may probably have only sent his rings to be cleaned; or it may be, since Saturn is the wearer of the belt, and consequently is the Champion of the Celestial Ring, that his love of fair play made him take his rings off, insomuch as he had been challenged to have a round or two with some refractory star, who was out sky-larking. We wish Professor Airey would throw a light on this misty subject, for we are forced to confess that at present it is terribly clouded in obscurity.”
From the same paper…
“The following recipes are said never to fail:
To Destroy Rats.—Catch them, one by one, and flatten their heads in a lemon-squeezer.
To Kill Cockroaches.—Get a pair of heavy boots, then catch your roaches, put them in a barrel, and get in yourself and dance.
To Catch Mice.—On going to bed put crumbs of cheese in your mouth, and lie with it open, and when a mouse's whiskers tickle your mouth, bite.”