Sleeping With Hubby

[Millie Fillmore]

Hi Ladies (and Gents),

I was wondering if anyone could help me out with experiences/suggestions regarding communal sleeping arrangements with a spouse...

I'm getting married in a few months to a wonderful man who is also a progressive reenactor (bless his heart!). Unfortunately, our jobs and lives will be such that we will be living apart during the week and we will only be able to see each other on the weekends. Thus, "together time" will be at a premium. This is our plight -- even if we can both attend an event, camp rules and period decorum will still place a damper on some of our interaction.

Of course, I've heard of cases where wives accompanied their husbands in camp for some reason or other. This wouldn't even turn a hair at most mainstream events. However, I still want to do this correctly. Is there any scenario/persona/etc. that would allow me to sleep with my husband? I'd like to start researching this.

Thanks,

Katie Guslick

[LindaTrent]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Of course, I've heard of cases where wives accompanied their husbands in camp for some reason or other.

Hi Katie,

The main rule is never say never, but we can say almost never :confused_ Seriously though, while you will find a few random scenarios historically, these tended to be more during early war, or in garrison-type situations, and these were most generally high ranking officers' wives... the answer to your question is in most instances {99.999% of the time with EBUFU events} it would be inappropriate for a lady to be in military camp with her husband.

Now, there is a way that the two of you can be together at events. Has he ever considered going civilian for a year or two? There are lots of men who've found civilian life to be exciting and fun, particularly at EBUFU style events. Heck, you can even portray newlyweds! :wink_smil

Linda Trent
lindatrent@zoomnet.net

[Hank Trent]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

However, I still want to do this correctly. Is there any scenario/persona/etc. that would allow me to sleep with my husband? I'd like to start researching this.

Of course it depends on the specific historic situation the event is depicting, but there's a simple solution that will work in most cases. A civilian man and his wife could sleep together under almost any circumstances.

Alas, that puts the burden squarely on your husband--which is more important to him, portraying a soldier, or sleeping/reenacting with you?

Hank Trent
(It was an easy choice for me)
hanktrent@voyager.net

[CJDaley]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

This is less of a historical perspective and more of personal advice. Don't substitute the hobby for anything. Your husband, kids, job and home come before the hobby. If you don't get to see him much, cut back on your time in period clothing or chose events that will allow you to spend time together. You will obviously be traveling together so at least you’ll have time in the car to/from the event, but more than that, as newlyweds you’ll want to enjoy the first few years getting to know each other in the 21st rather than the 19th Century.

For Jenn and I, we met through the hobby 10 years ago this month. While we’ve done hundreds of events, we only spent the night in the same quarters twice (once at Old Bethpage Village as civilians and once at an 1861 event with me as an officer). While dating it was a ton of fun to drive to an event, kiss goodbye on Friday night, then meet up again on Sunday to drive home and recap the event together. However, as time went on, we began to pick and choose events more selectively and instead of attending 18 events a year, we chose 6 that were really special.

With my business, I hope to get to a point with our children that the 4 of us can camp out on Sutler Row together for the 6 events, then I can pick a few other weekends to hang out with my pards and have a ‘guys only’ weekend.

I realize this is unsolicited marital counseling, but I’ve seen way too marriages break up because of this hobby. Use the hobby as a fun thing to do together, but don’t substitute it for quality time in the 21st Century.

[Millie Fillmore]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Thanks to the Trents!

I knew that those references to husbands/wives together in camp were very rare, and without more solid documentation. I guess it was more wishful thinking..... :wink_smil

Well, we'll have to talk about the possibility of civilian activities. I've half-committed myself to making a civilian vest, so perhaps we can start building a wardrobe. But I still need to get working on my wedding dress! Ahhhhhh! Where does the time go some days?

Thanks,

Katie Guslick

[Millie Fillmore]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Thanks also to Chris for the advice. We'll just have to take it one step at a time.

Cheers,

Katie Guslick

[Millie Fillmore]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

BTW, while we're on this topic....

Any suggestions for interesting and fun husband/wife civilian scenarios (besides the excellent honeymooners idea)?

Note: My beloved has a sense of duty to the Union, and I don't know if he would like to seem as if he paid 300 bucks (ie., something so he doesn't look like a draft-dodger or a Copperhead)!

Thanks,

Katie Guslick

[dusty27]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

If the event is condusive to it, what about a convalescing soldier being nursed in a house after a battle?

[Millie Fillmore]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Nice suggestion, Mike. That reminds me of Mrs. March running off to Washington after her husband was wounded in "Little Women".

Not that I use "Little Women" as my primary source material for all my research, or anything! (LOL) :p

[LindaTrent]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Katie,

Hank and I met through reenacting, and it was something the two of us enjoy(ed) doing together, and we were married during an event in Civil War era garb. We did better than 20 events that first year together. Ah, those were our mainstream days :wink_smil

Since then Hank and I have settled down to civilian life, pretty much. Our first EBUFU event together was McDowell 2001 where our characters courted each other. This event happened right after I underwent two major surgeries and a blood transfusion, I had just found a new lease in life, and McDowell, with Mr. Trent's dotting was just like a second honeymoon.

We've courted other times as well. One other time {that might give you and hubby an idea} was when Hank and a group of guys were in the homeguard, at WOTJ. It was great as historically the men would ride out to hide in the woods when the Yankees were in the area, and then the women would take them food and blankets and such. Well, the men "lost" their horses, and we found the men hiding out in the woods. We gave them the supplies that we had brought, only to find ourselves cut off from home by the Yankees. We all wound up "having" to stay hidden out in the woods with them. BTW, that night we all slept together under one big shebang out in the heavily wooded area. But the guys had the opportunity to carry guns, interact with the military, and still be civilian.

Personally, I've found living history to be something that has pulled Hank and me even closer over the years. The important thing is to find a compromise that you can both be happy with. You can balance the hobby, the spouse, 21st century life, etc, so that it's a win-win situation, but I would personally advise both of you going civilian!

Anyway, congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Linda Trent
lindatrent@zoomnet.net

[Millie Fillmore]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Linda,

Very cute story. Thanks for the anecdotes and suggestions, as they are helpful. Just a side note -- many of the people here met through living history. But my fiance and I are an exception.....we met through our workplace ! We just happened to both be in the hobby.

Regards,

Katie Guslick

[ElizabethClark]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Katie, I'd ditto the "go civilian" thing at least until you're able to rearrange work. (Or, wait a year, rearrange work circumstances first, then get married when you can actually be together during the week.)

Most military men fall short on one thing: they have NO concept of life before their enlistment.

And, as it was, what?--ten percent of the male population serving at any one time, having a hale and hearty fellow at home is *not* to assume he paid a substitute. He could be home on leave, recuperating, waiting to be called up, in a job that's "vital" and non-conscriptable, working for the government... literally dozens of available male roles in the non-military world of things.

You do have to find a balance point; but I'd strongly recommend that any sleeping compromises that must be made are made toward the non-military: he comes out and is a civilian, sleeping in whatever accomodations are made for civilians at the event scenario. It will also be helpful to play at the more progressive events, where things are actually going on for non-military folks... most men won't tolerate a day of female gossip and stitching, and why should they? LOL

[John Keller]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Hi Ladies (and Gents),

I was wondering if anyone could help me out with experiences/suggestions regarding communal sleeping arrangements with a spouse...Katie Guslick

In my Civil War re-enacting I've started to experiment with "going both ways" -- doing civilian and military at the same event. As a member of the military I portray a Union field musician (fifer), so I really need to be present in military camp for reveille, camp calls, dress parade, etc. However, I also find that the daily camp routine can have blocks of a couple of hours or so where no field music is necessary. That's when I become a civilian.

I sleep with my wife and daughter in the civilian camp, and hang out in civilian camp when the field music isn't necessary. That way I can interact with my family, help out with the fire, chop wood, haul water, etc. I also take the opportunity to get out my fiddle and play period tunes when the wood is all chopped.

When it's time for military field music, I go into the tent, switch civilian straw hat for forage cap, throw on my sack coat, belt, and haversack, and duck out the back of the tent and jog down to the military camp. As a civilian I wear a period print shirt, civilian vest, and my sky-blue military pants and brogans. It's a simple matter of about three minutes for me to do the quick-change to soldier. When I'm finished with the field music, I come back to civilian camp, duck into the back of my tent, lose the sack coat and belt, switch hats, and re-emerge from the tent as a civilain. It's pretty fun that way. When I've done this, however, I check with the military commanders to make sure it's okay with them, and I let them know where I'll be at all times so they can get me on short notice if necessary.

The battle reenactments are no problem this way. Battles are crummy times for the field music once the shooting starts. We become stretcher bearers -- a duty I hate. It's much more fun for me to be a civilian spectator during the battle.

I realize that I'm just picking and choosing the best parts of the reenactment, but if nobody else minds, I'm having a lot of fun.

Does anyone out there have a problem with this approach? Please advise.
Yes sir: Sorry to say this, but your approach is not workable at events attended by hobbyists frequenting this forum. There are other Civil War themed hobbies that could accommodate such arrangements, but those other hobbies are not within the scope of the Authentic-Campaigner. John Wickett, forum NCO.

John Keller
Milford, N.H.

[Hank Trent]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

When I've done this, however, I check with the military commanders to make sure it's okay with them, and I let them know where I'll be at all times so they can get me on short notice if necessary.

The battle reenactments are no problem this way. Battles are crummy times for the field music once the shooting starts. We become stretcher bearers -- a duty I hate. It's much more fun for me to be a civilian spectator during the battle.

I realize that I'm just picking and choosing the best parts of the reenactment, but if nobody else minds, I'm having a lot of fun.

Does anyone out there have a problem with this approach? Please advise.

It sounds like it would work well at a mainstream-type event, and some better-quality events. It might work at the most history-heavy events as well, though I can see a few difficulties that would need to be overcome.

With civilians and military both potentially mobile and moving/interacting in an unscripted way, you might not be able to find one or the other when it came time to change or they might be far away, and with no scheduled battles it would be hard to figure out when you'd want to switch from one role to the other. Also, if you were held prisoner, detained, or cut off by the opposing forces, either as a civilian or military, you might not be able to switch when you wanted to. If the military from the wrong side searched the civilians (which they generally always do if they contact the civilians at all) and they discovered your abandoned uniform there and you still wearing the other parts of it, you'd find yourself and/or other civilians treated pretty roughly for harboring an enemy soldier.

At those kinds of events, I'd suggest checking with the civilian organizers to make sure it's okay with them, too, because the civilian contingent may be organized just as tightly if not moreso than the military. You'd need to integrate the storyline of your character with what was happening among the civilians, and arrange a plausible historic reason for why he was coming and going and where he was supposed to be when he wasn't among the civilians. It would also need to be clear whether others were supposed to pretend you were the same person both times or if you were portraying a stranger to the civilians when you were in the army.

And at the better events, there are no "civilian spectators" during the battle--at least not voluntarily. The civilians are reenacting at that time too, so they're apt to be as far away as possible, or hiding.

When the goal of an event is to try to recreate period life for a couple of days as accurately as possible, it's hard enough just to be one person, let alone two. :)

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

[LibertyHallVols]

Re: Sleeping With Hubby

Folks,

I'm closing this thread... The main point has been made by several posters:
If you want to spoon your spouse at night, you'll both need to portray civilians.

However, numerous other posters have made reference to "dovetailing" a military impression to "spouse time" within the same event. Sorry folks, but you're talking about "That Other Civil War Hobby", and that is out of bounds.