Males in mourning

[Mojo1842]

Ladies, Gentlemen;

I've decided that I'm going to add another wrinkle to my civilian man impression that's in the works; that of being a recent widower. While there is much information out there for widows, I'm finding information about men in mourning fairly sparse. All that I've found so far involves the length of time, a 7" black band on the hat for the loss of a wife, black or dark colored suit, black armband; not much to go on. It does seem that men had much more leeway than the ladies did and that mourning likely differed from man to man. Am I way off base here? If anyone could nudge me in the right direction or point out something that I've missed, I would appreciate it.

[Emmanuel Dabney]

Re: Males in mourning

Basically, you got it. Glenna Jo Christen has wrote a little primer on mourning. http://home.earthlink.net/~gchristen/Mourning.html

Men were not expected to adopt severe fashion choices that ladies were expected to. Of course, men may remain in mourning just as long as women. Whether for a mother, children, wife, friend, etc. the heart could overpower the fashion.

[Belleof Dixie]

Re: Males in mourning

Mojo,

This is what I could find about males in mourning.

When a man wore mourning for those for whom the ladies of his family were also in mourning, he regulated the time of it to follow the change of their attire. For a widower, a black suit, scarf, gloves, and weed were mandatory. This was worn for a minimum of one year. However, society did not hold men to this rule as strictly as it did with women. For example, one source dated 1889 states: “Men are not, as a rule, believers in the theory that the
wearing of gloomy black is a very tangible evidence of sincere grief, and many of them do not change their garb for such cause….”

I understand that 1889 is well past our time period, however the website from which this information came has a research inquires link and they may be able to help you better. http://www.funeralmuseum.org/historicalresources.html

[Drygoods]

Re: Males in mourning

Mr. McGowan,

I'd agree with Mr. Dabney, you've pretty much got all that you're going to find for men's mourning. Although, from the books that I've collected, the wearing of 'weepers' around the hat was pretty much on the way out in the late 1850s, so just the band around the hat would have been enough. Depending upon your age, you might have kept that custom, and also the custom of removing buttons off of your clothing. The practice of men removing buttons off of their vest and coats went out in the 1830s. Also, I can't promise that was an American custom either since the source for that came from a UK mourning customs book.

[ScottCross]

Re: Males in mourning

Mourning rings were frequently worn by men also: hair rings or a simple black gutta-percha ring would be acceptable. I wore one on my little finger for a year (not just at events) following the loss of my son.

[Linda Humphries]

Re: Males in mourning

According to the two sources I have on morning, they both agree that a widower mourning for his wife wore a black suit for 3 months. This information comes from "The After-Life" by Karen Rae Mehaffey and "Widow's Weeds and Weeping Veils" by Bernadette Loeffel Atkins. Also accoring to Ms. Atkins,some men wore a black crepe armband on the left arm and at the funerals some wore black stoles or sashes.

[Drygoods]

Re: Males in mourning

Lou Taylor's book on Mourning Dress pretty much dismissed the custom of men wearing sashes by the 1850s, and the same information is in Maureen DeLorme's book Mourning Art & Jewelry. I don't remember what Mary Brett's book, Mourning Jewelry, Clothing and Customs, has to say about sashes....I have to read it again to look up the sash part.:p

All three are really good sources for mourning culture.

[CYoungJSU]

Re: Males in mourning

This message primarily concerns the mourning band on the hat. If you have a chance, look in James McPherson's book, To the Best of My Ability, and flip to Andrew Jackson's Presidency. Therein, you will find one of his top hats with a mourning band attached. I am at work and cannot get to the book, but I believe it may have been made for him after his first election to the presidency. Jackson was in mourning when he came to Washington because his wife Rachel had died not long before. He even blamed her death on many of the politicians who would later become known as the Anti-Jacksonians for slandering her about her previous marriage and Jackson about his duels, etc.