Where is the head of the table?

[Michael Comer]

A question came up that has be puzzled. Was there a rule for determining which end of the dinner table was the head? Or was it just where the patriarch of the family chose to sit?

At our historic site, the 16 place table in the formal dining room runs with one end toward the family parlor and one end toward the back of the house and the family dining room and the kitchen.

With that orientation, would there be a definite head of the table according to etiquette or societal rules?

[Vuhginyuh]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

...table in the formal dining room runs with one end toward the family parlor...

If the gentlemen are seated and served last, as they should be, then the head of the table is the one closest to the parlor or main entry door.

[MomKelly]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

i agree with the location of the head of the table.

but I understood it was because it is the farthest from the kitchen. mom sat closest to the kitchen or if in the kitchen closest to the business part of the kitchen.

same answer different perspective I guess.

Catherine Kelly

[Crockett]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

At my house, wifey sits closest to the kitchen end of business, or back to the kitchen.

[Curt Schmidt]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

Hallo!

Just an aside, and not from any etiquette book...

My Southern Ohio (Appalachia) wife's grandmother died at age 99 last year. It was her, and her family's custom that the woman of the house serve the family or guests at the table first, and she did not join them at the meal (eating alone when all were done and gone into the "parlor").
The grandfather, as head of the family, sat at the middle of the table, back to the outside wall and window, rather than at a table end. My assigned seat, was at the head of the table, furthest from the kitchen door
The custom being "against" we young folks' sensibilities, we cajoled and enjoined "Granny" to sit and eat with the family- sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

Curt

[ElizabethClark]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

Let's do keep in mind that on the AC, documentation is a good thing. :) Modern tradition and early 20th century tradition aren't documentation for the mid-19th century.

[Michael Comer]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

Just an extra bit of information. This was a slaveholding family so the lady of the house probably wasn't getting up to run to the kitchen to see if the rolls were ready.

My staff got on this subject the other day and asked me if I knew. A visitor had asked the question and there were differing opinions, based on personal feeling I suppose, about where the head of this particular table would be. I couldn't tell them since I had never given it any thought and did not know if there were rules for those members of higher society concerning such things.

I was not aware of what Garrison said about the gentlemen being seated and served last which would put them farthest from the kitchen. I would have assumed that the family patriarch would have been served first. It would be good if someone could lead me in the direction of documentation for such domestic activities.

[MissMaggie]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

I have just looked through the sections on dining in Robert's guide for Household Staff and Mrs. Beeton's Guide. Neither of them mention the location of the head of the table. Mrs. Beeton's included a very large section on suggested menus for parties of various sizes and Roberts guide had great info on how to lay the table though. Looking through "What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dicken's Knew" they mention that the location and arrangement of the table had to do with the temperature of the room and location of the fire. They do not give source information for this little tidbit though.

[Vuhginyuh]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

My information comes from directly from my grandmother and great aunt. It’s based upon their recollections of the Frederick W. R. Danforth household on Jerusalem Plank Rd. in Dinwiddie Co. VA.. Danforth was 10 when the war ended and the patriarch of the family for two generations. My grandmother knew him well. He passed on many family traditions, one being where he sat at the table, which we still honor today.

That's as close as I can get to documenting the practice.

[Virginia Mescher]

Re: Where is the head of the table?

Let's do keep in mind that on the AC, documentation is a good thing. :) Modern tradition and early 20th century tradition aren't documentation for the mid-19th century.

Liz,

I realize that you requested only 19th century documentation but I only preface my 19th century documentation with the information with the 20th century information.

Information on the exact position of the head of the table started appearing in textbooks in the early 20th century when home economics books started to appear. I did not find specific locations until then but in the 19th century, the head of the table was designated by who carved the meat. In the 20th century I found conflicting information; some indicated that the head of the table was closest the entrance door [no reason given] while others indicated that the head was the furtherest from the entrance door [reasoning was that the host entered the dining room first and the hostess left first]. One specifically said that the hostess faced the pantry door.

In The History of the Art of Tablesetting: Ancient and Modern, from Anglo-Saxon Days to the Present Time by Claudia Quigley Murphy (1921) she indicates that in the second quarter of the 1600s women began to sit at the head of the table and carve and distribute the meat. It makes sense because there were many references in the 19th century of women sitting at the head of the table and carving, unless it was a formal dinner.

19th century sources:

As to who sat at the head of the table - it differed. Usually the person serving or carving sat at the head unless it was at a formal dinner party and then it was the man that sat at the head of the table.

American Farmer Jan. 28, 1820
[The first part of the paragraph discusses how badly people carve meat.] "If the daughters of the family were to take the head of the direction under their mother, they would fulfill its duties with grace, in the same easy manner as an early practice in other domestic affairs. . . "

Parley's Magazine Jan. 1, 1839
"I have no head, and a tail I lack,
But oft have arms, and legs, and back;
I inhabit the palace, the tavern, the cot- [tage]
'Tis a beggarly residence where I am not.
If a monarch were present (I tell you no fable),
I still should be placed at the head of the table. Answer: A chair [In some homes, only the head of the table received a chair and others sat on benches.]

Boston Investigator Aug. 22, 1849
[paraphrased] When Macdonald, the last of the Highland lords came into a banquet and sat at the foot of the table, the host requested he move towards the head, he replied, "Tell the earle that wherever Macdonald sits, that is the head of the table." This was also mentioned in 20th century explanations about the head of the table.

Daily Scioto Gazette July 24, 1855
[Advertisement for a wife but the same ad kept on appearing in subsequent years] "She will take the head of the table, manage the household, . . . "

The Market Assistant by Thomas De Voe (1866)
"She [his mother] . . . took her place at the head of the table (my father never carved) . . . "

There were a number of other references but not having additional time to transcribe them all, I hope this is sufficient. Most of the time, just "head of the table was mentioned" with no relation to location.